i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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