If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize