Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
