Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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