I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
