I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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