Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Less talking, more tequila
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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