I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
