He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Randomize