I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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