the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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