do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
