note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
