why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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