So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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