bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
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