This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
