So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im having a threesome with these popsicles
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize