I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
