He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
