rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
