first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize