handjob tips. give me some.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
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