My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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