I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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