I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
