So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
