my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
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