Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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