if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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