dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Congratulations! We have a period
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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