Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
