I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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