First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
