god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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