I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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