You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
