4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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