genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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