areolas are like halos for boobs.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
