OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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