Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
