Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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