Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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