Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
