): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize
