I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
