mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
