omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
