Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
