i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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