im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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