afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize