I never want to see another naked old woman again.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
