just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
