4 words: hood of his car
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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