I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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