the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
