he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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