Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
