So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
