people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
