I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
