Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
