nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
