If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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