the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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