The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize