why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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