My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Randomize
