Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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