why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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