I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
