i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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