I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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