When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
