would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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