Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
ugly people sure do ruin things
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
