Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
