id be glad to
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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