He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
