once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
