glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You dont lie about slip and slides
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
