he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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