My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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