i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I puked a lego.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize