Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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