If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
