he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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