either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
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