we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
