I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
