It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
