well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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