i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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