after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
