When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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