just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
