was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
