Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
