her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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