Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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