Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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