i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
